Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Those Days When Everything Just Feels Off

Do you remember the old commercial that said "It's 10:00 p.m.  Do you know where your children are?"

I feel that way today, but not about my children.  It's a voice saying to me "It's 3:00 in the afternoon.  Do you know where your muse is?"

I've been home from Bible Study and picking up Z. at preschool for approximately 3 1/2 hours.  When I got home, my plan had been to make lunch and then get down to writing a handful of posts that I'd been thinking about throughout the morning.  Now, I can barely remember what it was I wanted to write about, I feel tired and grumpy, have lower patience for the kids (which then makes me question my parenting skills since that is when I start yelling), and my motivation has gone downhill faster than an Olympic skier.  I also didn't do the laundry I had planned or get the kitchen cleaned up like I wanted to or bake some bread like I thought I would.   It is just one of those days when nothing seems to go right.  It's not even big things!  It's just little things, here and there.  That almost makes it worse, because I wonder then "why am I complaining?  why am I irritable?  It's not like my life is really a mess or tragedy has hit.  It's just little things."

It is times like this when I wonder why I even bother to blog.  I don't have a huge readership (and that's ok with me; it would probably be way too stressful on me if I did, at this point, and then I'd have to worry about such things as my "brand" and getting a more memorable domain name and feeling like I need to produce more content and feeling like I need to comment on every big topic that comes up, and...and...and...).  Plus, there are so many, many excellent blogs out there, and so many that I read and think "hmmm...that's what I was thinking".  I mentioned that very thing recently on Twitter to someone, and he said back that he thought he was the only one who did that, and that I should still write what I am thinking.

Discouragement and distraction for writers is nothing new.  I know I just read something about this recently in Anne Lamott's book Bird by Bird, but I just spent some time looking for it and can't find it, so you will just have to take my word for it.  I promise I am not making it up.  At least I hope I am not.

Distraction is hard to come back from, at least, it is for me.  I could be in the middle of reading or writing a sentence, get up to change a diaper or respond to one of the myriad times I hear "Mommy!", come back to the computer and have to reread what I was originally doing and then remember what was supposed to come next, and then get up again...this means it can actually take me all day long to write a very short blog post.

I really do not know how so many other mom bloggers do it.  When do you find the time to write, uninterrupted?  What are your tips and tricks for accomplishing what you want to accomplish in your writing?


Jean said...

I know you're not going to want to know when I do my writing...because it entails a very early hour in the morning. But not always. Somedays I'm squeezing it in during a nap or during a moment when my son is at the park. Neglecting housework is another time saver that allows me to write :-)

The most important thing I've started to do is carry around a notebook everywhere I when a thought crosses my brain I won't forget it. This is the most valuable piece of writing advice I ever received.

To be honest, I'm not sure what I'm trying to accomplish in my writing. It seems each post has a life of it's own. But I do try to make sure it's all authentically me. Even if it sucks.

I appreciate what you have to say! And I relate to this post so much. Thanks for sharing

Kelly said...

Yeah, early mornings and I don't get along well at all. I do carry my journal around everywhere, but I had thoughts as I was driving home. And it isn't like it takes a long time to get home from anywhere in town, either. I actually think I've remembered the ideas and started a couple of drafts of posts to remind me.

Your comment about making sure it is you even if it sucks reminds me of another thing in Anne Lamott's book: Chapter 3, Sh!tty First Drafts.

Jean said...

I forgot to mention that I love Bird by Bird. I read it last year...need to read it again. Stephen King's book on writing is also very interesting....

Joy said...

Have so been there. Actually, I reside there often. The blogs I like most have been written between 10 p.m. and 2 a.m.

Not a pattern I hope to maintain, but it's when my muse keeps me company best.

I ditto the notebook suggestion. (Or iPad.) Interestingly, when I go back to my notes, the blog still takes an entirely new direction anyway.

Hang in there. It's not about readership or big numbers. But you know that. ;-)

Kelly said...

Thanks Joy. I actually am more of a night person generally and would enjoy staying up late to write, but lately I've been so worn out that I go to bed not too long after the kids do!