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Tuesday, February 11, 2014

When Thousands of Women Loved Something and I Didn't

This is probably going to be an unpopular post, but since much of the If:Gathering was about being authentic, and Brene Brown says that "authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be and embracing who we are", then I guess I'll go for it.

I didn't attend the If:Gathering in person; I watched online and I followed along on Twitter.  I had been excited for it; it had the promise and potential of something, though I wasn't exactly sure what.  I'd heard that it was going to be "different", especially since the leadership had done away with the ticket price and instead did a "pay what you can" option for payment.  Other than that, nobody knew very much about it, and that kind of intrigued me.

When I watched the conference, I saw speakers who are very well known, such as:
Overall, I don't remember who I watched, but from what I saw they gave inspirational talks, and did a great job.  But for me, there wasn't much new there.  I have heard inspirational talks.  I have given inspirational talks.  And for those of us who were watching online, there were interviews with people such as Annie Lobert (Hookers for Jesus) and a singer who had been on American Idol (I'm sorry; I can't remember her name; if you know who it is please tell me and I'll edit).  

There were interviews where people were asked what they like on their pizza or what color they like to decorate with.

What? 

One of my biggest frustrations is that I have attended so, so many women's groups that are all about building relationships and sometimes I think that it is overkill.  And now I'll probably be in front of the firing squad for that because building relationships is all about what church/church groups is about.  I have gone to moms and women's groups for a long time and have done crafts and sang songs and built relationships.  It is tiring.  I had a discussion about this with one of my pastors a couple of months ago, and I felt horrible for expressing that, at first, until I was assured that it was ok to feel that way.  He described it as getting a lot of one type of food and nothing of another.  There wasn't anything wrong with those activities; I was just getting too much of them. 

And from what I understand, at the ending of IF:Gathering, we were left with this:
and then If:Equip http://www.ifequip.com/ was launched, where women can read their Bibles together every day, asking these questions:
if we believe these words to be true…then
what does this mean about god?
what does this mean about you?
what does this mean about the world?
I read my Bible a lot (thought not as much as I used to).  And our church is currently going through "The Story" http://www.thestory.com/home and I lead discussion each week on it.  But the main point of reading our Bibles, it seems, is not really to study it.  I have written about this before:
"I feel like often, we just assume most Christians will get bored with this type of study, because it doesn't always bring out the "application" that we think we all need.  Don't get me wrong; application is important, however, I feel as if we try so hard to make everything in the Bible automatically apply to our own personal lives that we actually miss out on what is in the Bible."
--From When Bible Study Isn't Bible Study
"When I actually studied Galatians, rather than gave it a cursory read, asking "what's in it for me?", I was able to look at a bigger picture, I was able to come up with a myriad of ideas that I want to explore further through conversations, more reading, and through writing.  I don't get that out of "Bible Application Time"." --From Celebration of Discipline: An Experiment in Study 
I don't always feel equipped by reading my Bible.  It doesn't tell me how to go about evaluating seminaries and their programs, it doesn't tell me what opportunities are out there for me if I want to start working again, it doesn't tell me how to read it or any of the background or theology that I want to know, it doesn't teach me how to read Hebrew and Greek.  I am not really in a place spiritually where I need to figure out my gifts, rather, I am in a place where I am looking for open doors so that I can actually use them.  

And so I found If:Gathering lacking for me.  I am so thankful that it was uplifting and encouraging and a blessing for thousands of women and I hope that it will continue to happen and continue to do this for women.  And I'll continue to look for my place, too.  

To read about some great experiences at IF:Gathering, visit these (and if you know of others, feel free to add the links in the comments):

http://geaux2girl.blogspot.com/2014/02/if-god-is-real-what-then.html
http://www.religionnews.com/2014/02/12/evangelical-women-look-beyond-bible-study-new-causes/
http://www.littledidsheknow.net/2014/02/14/even-if-thoughts-from-the-ifgathering/


14 comments:

Brenda W. said...

THANK YOU for being honest about this. I didn't watch or participate in this conference, but I have been a part of other Christian women's events/classes where everyone else was totally into it, and I felt like I must be missing something. :\

Kelly J Youngblood said...

I'm glad it resonated with you!

Vanessa said...

I feel the same way about gifts - I know what my gifts are, and I get lots of encouragement in my parish to use them. Women hold positions of leadership in many areas of our parish life, so I have many role models and mentors also.

What I took away from the IF:gathering is how many Christian women do NOT feel the way I do, and haven't had my experiences within their church community. Many aren't sure of their gifts; perhaps some haven't felt encouraged to use them. II heard that theme over and over from the young women I spoke with at IF:Austin. If this event gave them courage to spread their wings, that's great. Also the gathering gave me a glimpse into what some younger women are thinking and feeling. Also, IF challenged me to go back to my home parish and check in with the younger women. I want to be sure they don't feel as if their gifts aren't valued or wanted.

I have the same reaction to "relationship-building" activities. It feels draining to try and "relate" just because someone put us all in a room. I didn't feel that way about IF:Austin, though. Not sure what was in the set-up that made it different: because each woman I met had the goal of letting walls down, so it didn't take as much work to connect.

Kelly J Youngblood said...

I was/am having some problems with comments. This was from Vanessa:


I feel the same way about gifts - I know what my
gifts are, and I get lots of encouragement in my parish to use them. Women hold
positions of leadership in many areas of our parish life, so I have many role
models and mentors also.


What I took away from the IF:gathering is how many Christian women do NOT feel
the way I do, and haven't had my experiences within their church community.
Many aren't sure of their gifts; perhaps some haven't felt encouraged to use
them. II heard that theme over and over from the young women I spoke with at
IF:Austin. If this event gave them courage to spread their wings, that's great.
Also the gathering gave me a glimpse into what some younger women are thinking
and feeling. Also, IF challenged me to go back to my home parish and check in
with the younger women. I want to be sure they don't feel as if their gifts
aren't valued or wanted.



I have the same reaction to "relationship-building" activities. It
feels draining to try and "relate" just because someone put us all in
a room. I didn't feel that way about IF:Austin, though. Not sure what was in
the set-up that made it different: because each woman I met had the goal of
letting walls down, so it didn't take as much work to connect.

Kelly J Youngblood said...

Vanessa, I hope you come back and read my response; I was having a comment issue and I think I fixed it but not totally sure.


Anyway. Part of what is hard about this is that I think it is GREAT that so many women benefited from it! Can you share how you saw it give them courage to spread their wings? Because most of it was listening to speakers & sharing in small groups, right? How will they then take that back to their churches and be able to find/use their gifts there?

Natalie Trust said...

I love your honesty. I watched too, with mixed feelings, and either I didn't feel like I had a place there or I didn't want a place there....not sure which.

Kelly J Youngblood said...

I am having some problems with comments. This was from Natalie: I love your honesty. I watched too, with mixed
feelings, and either I didn't feel like I had a place there or I didn't want a
place there....not sure which.

Kelly J Youngblood said...

That's interesting...the idea of not wanting a place there didn't occur to me. I wonder if maybe that's part of it--maybe I feel like I am supposed to want a place b/c everyone else does, but I really don't? Huh. Something to think about.

Kelly J Youngblood said...

Testing commenting from my phone; disqus shows up for me.

hannah anderson said...

Thanks for writing this. It definitely resonated with me. I had (and continue to have) very mixed feelings about IF but had yet to hear anyone else voice their concerns. (I wonder how much female group dynamics play into this... women tend to not want to rock the boat and often choose relationships over voicing their opinion, in my experience.) I have no doubt that IF was a tremendous blessing to a lot of women but from what I can tell from a distance, it doesn't seem substantively "different" from what evangelicalism has offered us in the past. Perhaps an updated version and more focus on social justice... but other than that, I'm not sure.

Kelly J Youngblood said...

Yeah, I don't really know exactly what the answer is! And since I watched online, I don't know what the "small group" experience was like. I think if it was me, rather than sharing feelings, I'd want a workshop or something that was more concrete. Like, if women don't know their spiritual gifts, as one commenter said, have a workshop to help them discover them. Or a workshop w/ concrete ways women can help with human trafficking, or how women's crisis-type centers work & how to get involved in helping with something like that in their own community.

Amy McG said...

I've been trying to formulate a comment all week for this post, discussions like these are important! I don't have anything really insightful to add except thank you for sharing your point of view. I can't think of a women's conference I have wanted to attend.

hannah anderson said...

I like those ideas a lot. Again, I didn't attend either so obviously I don't know what it was like in person. I think maybe it was just a "billing" issue--I expected a lot because it was "new" and "different" and everybody was all excited about it.

Kelly J Youngblood said...

Maybe there needs to be more of a focus on "continuing education" after a big annual gathering. I have attended a couple of these webinars in the past and liked them: http://www.fullfill.org/#!webinars/c107b Which reminds me, there is one in 2 days that i need to register for!