Why Haiti?

In July of 2010, two teenage boys from Kansas City drowned in a pool in Pella, Iowa during a week-long Fellowship of Christian Athletes camp.  I was there.  I was not just there at the camp; I was there at the pool the night that all of the boys from camp went swimming.  My husband was one of the coaches at the camp that week, and because spouses and children are always invited to come to camp, we went too.

We didn't know until later what had happened as we had driven our own car there and back and had left before anyone knew anything was wrong.  It was a long night fraught with tears, prayer, and uncertainty.

I have recently been thinking about these two boys and their families, who, we were told, had moved to Kansas City earlier that year after their home country of Haiti was devastated by an earthquake.  I know next to nothing about Haiti.  I remember seeing the devastation on television and I am pretty sure I texted "Haiti" to some number to donate money so that I could feel good about myself for "helping", because other than donating money, what else could I do?  (Potentially, I probably could do a lot of things, but when I see widespread devastation like that so far away I tend to shut down and be numb; I am glad there are so many people who are equipped to respond to crises).

Why have I had these boys on my mind?  The answer is because I have had Haiti on my mind.  I know.  You're thinking, "What?  Haiti?  Why Haiti?"

In Signs & Wonders, I wrote that I have been seeing references to a particular place, and have not known why.  To date, there have been 19 references to Haiti since I started the email conversation with my friend.  While I am not sure of the full reason, I have somewhat of an idea now (and no, the reason is not that God is telling me to drop everything and go to Haiti) of what the references might mean.

There is really too much to write in one post, so I'll leave it at that for now and continue the story in future posts.

In the meantime, what might God be trying to say to you through seemingly random and meaningless things?  Are you open to awareness of those things, or do you only expect a booming voice or a burning  bush?

Then and Now, Old and New, Who Are YOU?

Somehow, I managed to join something called Schoolfeed.  I don't even know how I joined it or why, but I keep getting email notifications that various people have added me as a friend on it.  Today's e-mail was different, though.  Apparently, someone had nominated me for a "Best in Class" award.  This was intriguing enough to click on and find out more, for a couple of reasons.  One, the person who nominated me is not someone who went to high school with me, and two, I wanted to see what the category actually was.

I went to Schoolfeed and laughed when I saw the category.  The nomination was for "Most Outgoing".  I wouldn't even vote for myself for that category, based on who I was in high school.

But, as I said, the person who nominated me didn't know me then.  This person only knows me now.  It made me think not only about how much we change throughout our lives but also how we know people who only know us from certain stages of life.  I am sure my nominator would be surprised to find out that I was not outgoing back then.  I remember myself as someone who was quiet, who didn't like to speak up, and certainly wasn't outgoing.  Alternatively, people who knew me then might be surprised to find out that today I enjoy public speaking (although, I still hate small talk in any situation).

I wonder too, in what ways do I remember people being a certain way, even though today they may be very different?  If I have realized that I have changed, doesn't it stand to reason that other people have changed too?

A literary agent named Tamela Hancock Murray started following me on Twitter the other day.  I followed her back, and one of her tweets said "If you want everyone to forget your past mistakes, you must concentrate on forgetting theirs. On to the future!"

When I think of people I have wrapped neatly up in a box as to who they were then, I think I probably am not forgetting their past mistakes (especially if it was something that directly affected me).  In some ways, with some people, I know I have moved on from doing that; in other ways, probably not so much.  But I wouldn't want anyone to only think of me as the person I used to be, so why do I do it to them?

How often do we dwell in the past?  How often do we dwell on who we were, what we should have or could have done instead of looking ahead to the future and embracing all that it will bring?  How often do we struggle with who we were or who we think people expect us to be instead of being who we are created to be?  More often than we should, I'd wager.

The good news is that we don't have to fit into those narrow expectations.  We can be free to explore all we are meant to be and all we are meant to do.

Who do you want to be?



Some encouraging words for you:


So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new!  --2 Corinthians 5:17

Beloved, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus. --Philippians 3:13-14

Our life-purpose therefore comes from two sources at once--who we are created to be and who we are called to be.  Not only is this call of our Creator the source of the deepest self-discoveries and growth in life, it gives our lives an inspiration and a dynamism that transforms them into an enterprise beyond any comparison.  --Os Guinness in The Call, page ix

Signs & Wonders

I love the movie Bruce Almighty.  I've only seen it twice, and I'd love to add it to my rather small dvd collection at some point.  This particular scene came to mind today as I was thinking about the idea of coincidences.  Take a look (hopefully I did this correctly!):



Bruce is desperately searching for a sign from God, and all of the signs that he gets, he ignores.  While I have never given much thought to "signs from God" and I am pretty sure I've never specifically requested any, because it can be so subjective to truly know whether or not something is a sign, I do believe that God can speak to us through seemingly random events.

If you've been following this blog since I started writing regularly in the last couple of months, you know that in my life right now I am doing a lot of thinking about vocation.

I also, during Advent, appropriately, experienced what it is like to wait and trust and pray and hope.

Also during Advent, I began an email conversation with a friend that I ended up not being able to respond to until after I'd moved.  It took me almost three months to finally sit down and write out the thoughts that I'd begun thinking.  During this time, I kept seeing references to a particular place (I'll write about this in more detail in future posts) that served to remind me that I needed to send the email.  I was somewhat amused, as if God was sending me reminders to make sure I did not forget about it.  After I sent the e-mail though, I was surprised to see that these references have not stopped.  It has made me wonder what the deeper meaning is, because I believe there is one.  I don't think that it is all coincidental.  I am not sure that anything really is ever a coincidence.  Instead, when we experience "coincidences", I think we ought to pause and consider what we can learn from them.

What do you think about coincidences or signs or messages or how God speaks today?

I Gave You Some Brave Powers

The other day, I took my 4 1/2 year old son ice skating for the first time.  After we were done, we sat and watched some kids practice hockey.  At one point I got startled because a puck hit the glass right in front of us.  I said "that scared me!"  My son put up his hand, pointed at me, made a noise, and then said "I gave you some brave powers".

Brave powers.  Who knew it was that easy to be brave?

I don't really think I am a brave person.  I don't like conflict or fighting and am happy to ignore them and shut down when those things happen.  I usually don't share what I really think and feel until I get to know people very well. I like to keep the peace and have everything be ok.

As I have read more blogs and started following people on Twitter and somewhat listen to political "conversations", I see that there are a lot of brave people out there willing to say what they think--good or bad.  Sometimes I read things and think "that's what I was thinking; why didn't I say it?"  (I also see so many overlapping topics that I wonder what on earth I am contributing to this whole blogging conversation thing, but that's a topic for a different day).

What is it that makes us hesitate to share what we really think and feel?  I think that it comes down to fear and insecurity.  We are afraid of what people will think about us or what judgments they will make about us.  If it is something regarding our faith, we are afraid that people will think it is not real or we are not a "True Christian".

I'm in good company, though, when it comes to being scared and insecure.

This morning, I was at a Bible study and we were discussing Luke 22:31-71.  In this section, Peter tells Jesus that he is "ready to go with [Jesus] to prison and to death!"  Jesus responds to him with "I tell you, Peter, the cock will not crow this day, until you have denied three times that you know me."  Jesus had an idea of what was coming; Peter did not.  When we come to the verses after Peter has done exactly what Jesus said he would do, we can feel the pain and despair in those words:

Then about an hour later still another kept insisting, "Surely this man also was with him; for he is a Galilean."  But Peter said, "Man, I do not know what you are talking about!" At that moment, while he was still speaking, the cock crowed.  The Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said to him, "Before the cock crows today, you will deny me three times."  And he went out and wept bitterly. --Luke 22:59-62

Can you imagine what Peter felt throughout all of this?  After seeing Jesus arrested in the dark of night and wondering what would happen, Peter followed behind at a distance, not wanting to get too close to the action, but wanting to see what would happen.  The text does not tell us what he was thinking or feeling; we can only guess.  Curiosity.  Fear.  Confusion.  Sadness at disappointing Jesus.  Can you imagine the look that Jesus gave Peter?  When their eyes met, what words silently passed between them?  "I told you so, Peter"?  "I didn't believe I could do that, Jesus.  Forgive me."?

I don't think that Peter intentionally and deliberately denied Jesus.  I think he was just scared about what could happen to him if he identified too closely with Jesus at that point.  He may have been the next one to be arrested.

And this is the same Peter who was the one to first bravely say that Jesus was the Messiah:

Once when Jesus was praying alone, with only the disciples near him, he asked them, "Who do the crowds say that I am?"  They answered, "John the Baptist; but others, Elijah; and still others, that one of the ancient prophets has arisen."  He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?" Peter answered, "The Messiah of God." --Luke 9:18-20

We might wonder how that can happen.  How can Peter go from announcing that Jesus is the Messiah to denying that he even knows him?  Yet there is hope for him.  Our text also tells us that Jesus says to Peter "I have prayed for you that your own faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."  (Luke 22: 32).

Peter may have been afraid and Peter may have been insecure, but those things do not mean that his faith failed.  He may have faltered, but Jesus knew he would come back and would be of encouragement to others.  He would be able to eventually have his "brave powers" return.

It's encouraging to read about Peter, isn't it?  Not to gloat about his failures, but to identify with them, to know that none of us are perfect followers of Jesus, but to know that when we falter, we can always return.

Do you feel afraid and insecure?  What helps you to overcome those fears and insecurities?  How do you get your "brave powers"?

What I Learned from both the UCC and the Methodists

This post is one in a series of posts about what I have learned from the different denominations and religions that have come into my life.  There may be more than one post per denomination.


The first post was  "I'm a Christian Mutt".  
The second post was "What I Learned from the Wesleyans/Methodists"


Communion has come to the forefront of my mind because I've had communion in two churches lately, and I also had communion at my church shortly before I moved in February.  It has made me think about the different rules that different churches have regarding who is eligible to receive communion.

First, where does communion come from?

In the synoptic gospels (Matthew, Mark, and Luke), Jesus and his disciples eat a Passover meal together; this meal has become known as "The Last Supper".  Here are the three references:

Matthew 26:26-28   While they were eating, Jesus took a loaf of bread, and after blessing it he broke it, gave it to the disciples, and said, "Take, eat; this is my body."  Then he took a cup, and after giving thanks he gave it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you;  for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. 

Mark 14:22-24   While they were eating, he took a loaf of bread, and after blessing it he broke it, gave it to them, and said, "Take; this is my body."  Then he took a cup, and after giving thanks he gave it to them, and all of them drank from it.  He said to them, "This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many. 

Luke 22:19-20  Then he took a loaf of bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me."  And he did the same with the cup after supper, saying, "This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood.

I included all three of them because they differ slightly and it's always fun to compare the accounts and wonder why each author chose to include or not include certain points.  

It is a simple meal filled with new symbolism and promise and creation of a new covenant.  (The blood covenant to which this is looking back on is likely Exodus 24:3-8).  There are only a few people present during this meal, yet it is a tradition that has been passed on since that time.  I do not have a memory of the first time I ever took communion, but I have a memory of my first communion.  Confused?  Remember, I am a Christian mutt and I grew up going to two different denominations.  In one, the UCC, I was able to take communion without any ceremony or special permission.  In the Catholic church, I had to wait until I had my "first communion", which was in the spring of second grade.  Before that, my sister and I would pretend to take communion by giving each other mints while we sat in the pew and waited for all those eligible to finish.  

I never really thought much of it at the time.  To me, it was just that different churches had different rules and I learned to follow them as needed.  

I now wonder, though, why do we have to have these rules about communion?  Why does this ancient rite instituted by Jesus as something to remember him by have to be so complicated?  Why are certain people eligible to serve communion to others and other people are not?  Why are children so often excluded?  I have let my 4 1/2 year old take communion even though he technically is apparently not supposed to, depending on the church we are in.  I have almost wished that someone would try and stop me, because I have my defense ready:

But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, "Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. (Mark 10:14)

I remember a conversation I had once when I went to a United Methodist Church when I lived in Indiana.  My pastor said that communion was open to everyone, regardless of where they believed they stood with God, because he said that a transformational experience could happen right there during the taking of communion (Maybe based on this?  "When he was at the table with them, he took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to them.  Then their eyes were opened, and they recognized him; and he vanished from their sight." --Luke 24:30-31).   There, it truly was an open invitation for all to come to the table.  There was no requirement of having had to "ask Jesus into one's heart" or first "be born again" or be a "believer" based on whatever that church's definition of a believer is, or be a "professing member in good standing of a Bible-believing church" (however that gets to be decided).

I have come to see how exclusive we can make that one simple meal, and I don't like it.  It is one more example of the "I'm in; you're out" feeling that, unfortunately, can be prevalent in Christianity today.

The UMC says the following about children and communion:

But do young children know what they are doing when they receive Communion?Do they understand the full meaning of this holy sacrament? No, and neither do any of us. It is a wonderful mystery, and children can sense wonder and mystery. Children cannot understand the full significance of family meals, but we feed them at our family tables and at Christ’s family table. Young children experience being loved by being fed. They sense the difference between being included and excluded at a family meal. They have the faith of a child, appropriate to their stage of development, which Jesus recognized and honored. Indeed, he said to adults: “Whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it” (Mark 10:15 NRSV).

I love that.  None of us have all of the answers, and we should stop pretending as if we have it all figured out.  If we think we have all the answers, it doesn't leave much room for that mystery and wonder, and it doesn't leave much room for us to grow.

This meal should be unifying, not divisive.

At the end of The Meal Jesus Gave Us by N.T. Wright:

From the first generation of the Church, eating together was a sign of the breaking down of boundaries between Christians of different groups: Jew and Greek (Galatians 2), rich and poor (1 Corinthians 11), and so on.   This was a sign of God's saving justice going out into all the world.  When this caused difficulties, Paul was adamant, in the name of the Jesus who had included everyone at his table, that unity there was not negotiable.  'We who are many, are one bread, one body--for we all partake of the one bread' (1 Corinthians 10:17).  Sharing Communion together between Christians of different denominations ought not to be the goal at the end of a long process of unity negotiations.  it ought to be the means, the thing we already do, that will create a context in which we will be able to understand and respect one another, and grow towards a richer unity.  I know not everybody will agree with this.  But I'm pretty sure St. Paul would have done."  (pages 81-82)

The next time you take communion, when you hear the words "do this in remembrance of me", ask yourself, is it in remembrance of Jesus if it is exclusive?

Are You Noisy?

When I wrote about the idea of vocation inspired by the song "Make a Noise" by Katie Herzig, I didn't mention two things:  what made me laugh about it or what bothered me about it.  One word:  noise.

When I hear the phrase "make a noise", I am reminded of a conversation I had one time with one of my sisters. As was typical, she was giving me a hard time about singing off-key (I am hopeless when it comes to singing or anything musical).  I said to her that the Bible says "make a joyful noise¹", not necessarily an on-key one.  She retorted with something like "yeah, and it is a noise".  I think I probably just made a face at her at that point and walked away or pouted or did something extremely mature like that.

I find myself bombarded with noise:  the television or my kids or my cats or the train going by multiple times per day or anything political on tv, Facebook and Twitter or even my own voice talking to my kids answering their questions or telling them to get dressed or threatening time out or or or...you get the idea.  I think of the line in How the Grinch Stole Christmas where the Grinch is thinking about all the "noise noise noise noise noise".  I think this is one reason I rarely listen to music anymore; I enjoy when there is silence all around me.  I find it peaceful when I can drink a cup of peppermint tea after the kids have gone to bed and I can just relax.  I don't really like being surrounded with noise.

The word "noise" itself kind of bothers me.  It felt almost discordant when I first saw the name of the song and listened to it, because it's a word that feels unsettling.  It's not an elegant, pretty word.  It's definition and synonyms are not elegant or pretty either:

Definition:       sound that is loud or not harmonious

Synonyms: babble, babel, bang, bedlam, bellow, bewailing, blare, blast, boisterousness, boom, buzz, cacophony, caterwauling, clamor, clang, clatter, commotion, crash, cry, detonation, din, discord, disquiet, disquietude, drumming, eruption, explosion, fanfare, fireworks, fracas*, fuss*, hoo-ha, hubbub, hullabaloo*, jangle, lamentation, outcry, pandemonium, peal, racket, ring, roar, row, shot, shouting, sonance, squawk, stridency, talk, thud, tumult, turbulence, uproar, uproariousness, yelling, yelp

I think that is the point of the song.  In order to be ourselves and live out our passions and dreams, we have to shed the fear of not appearing put-together.  We have to not worry about what others will think of us if we do not do what is expected or if our life seems off-key.  We have to have the courage to go where we are called to go and to be who we are called to be, even if it means we will be loud and not harmonious.

I may not know what my noise is supposed to be, but I can certainly encourage you in your noise.

Make a noise.  Be Boisterous.   Caterwaul, clamor, or clang.  Cry out.  In the journey of your life, find your calling in the din, dicord, and disquiet moments.  Roar with what you want to say to the world.  Shout in the tumult.  Cause an uproar.  Make a noise. 


¹ References to making a joyful noise:  


Psalm 66:1-2   Make a joyful noise to God, all the earth;  sing the glory of his name; give to him glorious praise.  Psalm 95:1-2   O come, let us sing to the LORD; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!  Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!  Psalm 98:4   Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth; break forth into joyous song and sing praises.  Psalm 98:6  With trumpets and the sound of the horn make a joyful noise before the King, the LORD.  Psalm 100:1  Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth.

Do We Ever Actually Rest?

Yesterday, I wrote about how quickly the last month has gone by for me.  It's been filled with meeting new people, visiting new churches, getting settled into a new routine, and getting used to being home with my kids all the time again (I worked part-time the last couple of years).

It's also involved joining Twitter.  Previously, I didn't think that I would be too interested in it, but I decided that I'd join it and follow people there instead of liking them on Facebook because I want to keep my Facebook account generally only for interacting with people I know.   I had begun to grow tired of seeing my news feed cluttered up with contests or sales or anything of that nature.

I have only been on Twitter for a couple of weeks, I think.  There are things that I like about it and things that I don't (some people are annoying in what they tweet or in how often they tweet).

I think that overall, though, Twitter feels a little overwhelming.  There is so much happening and everyone wants to be the first to tweet something of importance.  It moves way too fast for me.  I like to read something and then think about it, ask questions, and think some more.  In this Twitter world, there is no time for that.  By the time I have thought about something and may have an intelligent contribution to a topic, it has since passed and the next one is front and center.

Are we missing out on something important with our fast-paced lives in a fast-paced world?  Do we ever take the time to slow down anymore?

I remember one time in particular where I felt as if life slowed down for about 24 hours.  It was July of 2005 and I spent a week in Toronto with some Jewish friends.  Part of my time there was over shabbos or shabbat (the sabbath:  Friday sundown to Saturday sundown).  Everything for our meals was prepared in advance.  We did not use computers or television.  It was a lovely time.  I actually felt rested during that time.  I have never experienced the same thing on a Christian Sunday sabbath.  I rarely actually turn my computer off and the tv is on every day more than I care to admit.

There is something about rest that is so inviting and yet it often seems so impossible to actually grasp.

How do you rest?